How can I get to a tea party and make my views known?

What I'm really asking is, how can I get to the next tea party without using the Fereral Highway System as that's federal and the government is evil and I believe in privatization? Same goes for Amtrak. Also, I don't want to fly, as I hate the FAA (more big government that should be privatized). In addition, I want to bring my guns because I don't believe that police protection is a right, no one should just be handed "free" protection from others, it's a privilege, not a right, and I am sick of libs believing that they are entitled to help from the men in blue. Also, for my protest sign where I accuse Obama of being Hitler (doesn't he look so much like the SS ideal Hitler proposed for the new Germany?) , I don't want to buy markers or poster boards from China because I hate socialism and that's a Communist country with big government and no religion. Also, remember that we can't use the garbage cans for our posters either (there's no reason why people should have universal trash collection!). So, how can I be a non-hypocritical teabagger?